Friday, February 8, 2013


Throughout my entire life there has been an ache, a longing, to struggle through all the many illusions of what we are before we have been entangled in the web of the human condition.

The human condition is comprised of unreality. It is comprised of errors and distortions and longing and blindness, and false hopes and deception and the worst of it; relying on others to find the self. Co-dependence and crutches and fantasies and all the many, many disturbing, debilitating constructs of fear and doubt.

I have asked the questions throughout my life, since the time I can remember: What are we and what are we here for?

Even when these answers become known, there is no relief or release like we think there will be. Unfortunately, learning or suspecting the answers...well the answers remain
beyond human expression. It is akin to trying to describe, in full and in perfect form beyond equivocation , the reason why you love your child, or the reason you were born. Read the tales of the saints.
[link to]
Read of St. John of the Cross and Saint Teresa of Avila. Their experiences, according to modern day Christians on this site would be of demonic influence.

Ah, I am getting off on a tangent.

There is no 100% absolution. I know now why the religious find such comfort in believing something from outside themselves will provide full absolution. How/why? Because it cannot be done save for fantasies and beliefs and the power of conformity that chains the soul.

The chains, the restriction, the boundaries that the human condition has constructed about itself...are comforting. We have been indoctrinated, composed of since our first breath, the predisposed human fallacy of not cycles, but of a singular beginning and end.

It all needs to be redone. The holy wars, the separation, the judgements, the righteousness. There is a problem though. Before, these things were isolated ideologies. Now, they consume the world. Not to mention the vices of greed and vanity.

When learning these things, it changes you, and it can be a difficult acclimation process. That is one of the things I struggle with daily; constantly changing...yet having to remain the same as well. It is like juggling a thousand amorphous subtleties and placing shape to their clouds through the motions of the arcs formed from the cycling motions.

Perhaps most people may think that learning, especially of deeper meanings residing close to the soul, do not require changes in the self to accept.

But, it absolutely requires that change of self, or it becomes as a teaching that is never mastered. This is why it is necessary that reconciliation that must take place in the conscious mind.

At this point, it is near non-stop, this process, and it wearies the soul. This is why I brought up the saints in the original post, so seemingly out of the blue. Reading through the words and experiences, I learned that they were constantly adjusting their souls, and constantly seeking. And with that comes the vast pain and weariness they experienced.

The only way to get through it, like I said above, is through reconciliation through the avenue of the conscious mind.

ALL the things you experience in this life are your own...

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