Monday, May 5, 2014

Descent to Revive

Most nights, it is like there is no separation anymore. I dream, and I just know that I am on the other side. There is no thinking about it, or consciously (suddenly) becoming aware of it. I am just aware of it. No surprise, no "aha! I'm dreaming!" moment. Like last night. I was in water, and I just knew I was on the other side. So, I said, well, I can breathe (I was deep underwater), so no biggie.

Last night, during the dreams, I am just aware.  I see how far I am from energetically BEING there. Last night, I breathed into my hands to create what I call a light ball. One of the simplest things I can do. And the energy in my cupped hands just fizzled and cracked. Yellow blue red energy streaks popped, but couldn't form any kind of boundary.

I tell myself, stop getting high before bed. Stop drinking. Recharge. But, I don't want to have all of it every night like I used to.

I have more memories of my life on the other side, than I do on this side. How do I become content on this side, when the other side is so much more?

It makes this side miserable and difficult to deal with, knowing I have to go sit behind a desk for 9 hours the next day and brood about it, with nothing and no one to express how and what I live like when on the other side. Not to mention the emotions that flow, and the difficulty of having to balance emotional states of that side and this side, CONSTANTLY.

I had needed some time away, and the time away keeps stretching on.

I looked into the lower astral last night. I hate the feeling of those places.

There is a separation stage, like a border. Like looking into a mirror and pushing yourself through. Last night, it was water, and the bottom was the border.

It takes a ton of cleansing to have enough energy for me to get into the higher states.
Yes. Energy. Inner energy, not like in the waking.

I go to the other side, when I build up energy and can play. But then, coming back here is crushing.

But, whether it be my own subconscious creating the experience, or whether it is literally a different experience created outside the self...Who knows. And, does it make a difference when it is the experience that truly matters?

I used to not have a choice of going into the dark places if I wanted to ‘play’ lucidly on the other side.

I 100% know why mystics are hermits.

I believed that by going into the other side, I could make my life better here. But, it doesn't work that way as simple as it sounds.

To better yourself is the most painful thing you can do.

Your inner self. Seeing, and knowing, and piercing the veil. People have no idea what it is like to begin awakening. They think it is about knowing what subliminal tricks are used to influence them, or what lies or political machinations are done.

Lonely doesn't even begin to describe it.

Imagine having the ability to do anything.

Imagine that...
Anything. Then, imagine the personal burden of that. Knowing that you can do anything, but you do not want to infringe upon another’s Free Will. And you don’t even know if the others are true souls, or manifestations from your own subconscious!

The astral, this one that we can experience, is the astral within the human sphere of memory and thought forms.

Lower astral can be experienced by souls after physical death, but it is within current living souls as well. Thought forms, and beliefs and individual inability at reconciliation of living a life in the material.

Maybe I have met some of them. I have helped them. I have shown them the cage they had placed around themselves. That not only do they restrict themselves to the cage of misery, but other things feed off of that as well, and make it an unending purgatory.

And every emotion they have is palpable. The environment of the section of astral you are in is palpable. It is not only a mental feeling, but is a physical feeling. In order to succeed down there, you have to be strong. Spiritually strong. Face your own fears, and then face everyone else’s fear for them. Then show them, that it is not impossible to do.

The toll it takes though. It is a spiritual task that is...

You can't have pride. You have to have faith in yourself to handle the unknown. You can't give up until you see it through. If you do temporarily give up, then you will find yourself in it once again, at a later date, and have to face it anyway.

For me, the only thing that mattered was to experience the other souls’ joy when succeeding.

There is no reward that can come close to experiencing that.

Go down into those dark places, and seeing people that beat themselves up because of mistakes they made in the human experience, or the guilt they feel from other people convincing them that they are 'disfigured', mentally or physically. Most of these types are children and pre-teen 'spirits'.

They manifest these disfigurements in real-time. And, they trap themselves in it, not knowing that they use to be something else, something divine.

They block themselves out from any thought form that is not what they resonate with. They are hopeless. I know the meaning of hopelessness. And, all it takes is a little bit of help. All it takes is to feel the light again. The light, when felt, is accepted without thought.

They recognize it, and it immediately penetrates their cage. But, it must be given to them. They remember again, remember what was beyond their self-confined bubble of pain.

Do you know of the saints? The ones that went down there to do this work?
It was too much for most to accomplish. So, they created mass. The Catholic mass, of praying in groups to release the souls stuck in the dark places.

Why can’t they get out themselves? Personal guilt and sorrow prevent them from having any hope of redemption.

And there is such influence down there. It is controlled

All controlled.

They do not have the light energy to do anything. There is no way to get the light energy back when down there. They feel like they do not have a choice, so they do not allow reconciliation of self.

They feel like they deserve it. And that feeling is supported by the negative thought forms that feed off of it.

And, they cannot remember anything else but that. They do not have access to sensation of loving memories that bring them joy. The loving memories bring them pain and guilt.

That is the absence of light and absence of love. It brings pain to remember love and happiness.

I cannot say these things, or have any concept of it, except for I was down there. I KNOW it. I know how it works.

When you attempt to speak with someone lost down there, you physically feel the emotional state of them. You intimately know they have lost the spark of life. It is hidden so deep inside the misery that there is no way they can access it. It is blocked out, and there is no light to help them breach the block.

Without instant access to that inner light, hope is lost. They withdraw into the misery, the pain, the guilt. There is nothing else. The only thing worse, is to not have any feeling at all. To not have a relationship with anything. Though they have others down there with them, they are despondent, and do not desire much interaction with each other. The interactions are always very brief, and never of a personal nature.

If you want to know Hell, exist within fear, anxiety, guilt and loss of love. Now, remove hope, and any relationship with anything.

A second is eternity. Eternity is a second. There is no discernment of time. There is nothing to have a relationship with to show the passage of time, and the environment doesn’t change; no sun, no growth, no entropy. Just minor differences that are irrespective to knowing the passage of time.

Torture is not the lowest circle of hell. Those in the lowest circle would do anything to feel a pain coming from somewhere else, to have a relationship with that something else. If that exists - that other thing that is not you - then there can be choices made, opportunities for differences in thought.

Without it, YOU are pain personified. YOU cause all the pain you feel. YOU are the one that lost the light. Nothing and no one else did that. YOU were solely responsible for where you found yourself. It is beyond crushing. It is so far past personal guilt that it is inescapable. The personal guilt had transformed long ago, in another life, another memory. When feeling guilt, there is an associating thought that you could have done something else. If I only did that, instead of what I did. That type of relived memory – a different choice you should have made that may have steered you clear of your present anguish – does not come. With no inner spark of life, of light, of love, and with nothing to associate with, the idea of choices and decisions do not exist within that framework.

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